Ellida Read online

“Jack, I don’t want you to drive yourself crazy imagining what’s going to happen with me while you are away. We both love you. And we both want only you,” I said in a husky voice. I turned slowly to face him, looking up at him.

  He instantly realized what had happened.

  He smiled, amused. “Well, hello, darling! Long time no see. How did you do that?” he asked, looking into my eyes.

  “I thought you needed some help. But I have to tell you that you’ve hurt Miss Spock’s feelings. And you’ve hurt me, too.”

  He pulled me close, gently as if I was labeled ‘handle with care.’

  “Astrid, I’m sorry.”

  “I understand you’re nervous. But there is no need to be. I’ll keep myself safe during the change.” I kissed his mouth. “You’ll be the one to screw me, I promise. Go and do whatever you need to do and come back safely, so that next month we can work on connecting my spirits. I’m tired of thinking of myself in the plural. Feeling better now?”

  “You are incredible.” Jack’s mouth closed around mine in a soft, loving kiss. “I love you so much, Astrid.”

  “I love you, too. We both do.”

  I blinked and let the wolf go. When I lifted my eyes again, I knew they were blue.

  “Do you know what just happened?” Jack asked, holding me tight.

  “I let you talk to your kinky girlfriend.”

  “Do you remember what we talked about?”

  I smiled. “I do, and I knew I would. She cooperates because I don’t fight her anymore.” I reached for Jack’s lips and gave him a juicy smack. “I want to ask you something. It crossed her mind and I couldn’t help but have a peek. When we, ahem, make love for the first time—I’m thinking about going all the way, right?—isn’t it going to be a bit crowded between the sheets until my loose parts are stitched up together?”

  Jack snorted. “I can hardly complain. That’s every man’s dream, darling.”

  “Well, it could be a bit challenging, don’t you think? Two girls in one body. And I’m not going to close my eyes and think of England so that she can enjoy everything, you know. If she gets your full attention, so do I. Are you going to be able to manage?”

  Jack scratched his head. “Well, I expect some help from you two, and then between the three of us, yeah, we’ll whoop it up.”

  I KNEW that my safety was Jack’s greatest concern, not the carnal component of my transformation. Even though I never wanted witnesses, I was rarely left to my own devices.

  Thanks to Jack’s exaggerations, my family had come up with a plan. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” my uncle said one evening, patting my hand. “Somebody will stay with you all the time.

  Great. Exactly what I needed.

  ALREADY ATTUNED to the subtle changes in my mood, Takeshi asked if I needed a break from my training, but I declined. Physical activity smoothed out my rough hormonal edges. Moreover, being among werewolves somehow soothed my own wild side. My wolf wasn’t alone anymore, and she didn’t feel neglected.

  Paradoxically, Jack’s absence helped, too. She was always strongest when Jack was around. His presence during my last transformation had provoked my sexual response. This time, without Jack around, the sexual part of the upcoming change was nonexistent. My wolf did not react to the presence of other male werewolves.

  She was quiet for now, true, but I didn’t expect it to last very long. She was going to miss her partner more and more as the full moon approached, and start whining.

  There was still a week before the full moon, however. I had plenty of other things on my mind, more important than the inevitable transformation. I couldn’t stop thinking of my mother, as if I was trying to make up for the time when I hadn’t thought about her at all. In the span of several weeks, she had transformed from an abstract persona non grata to a brave, selfless woman who lived in constant danger.

  Darius adored her, Jack had said. She was my mother, I thought, I wanted to adore her, too. I was worried sick about her, and my only solace was in the fact that she’d regained her wizard powers. With them, she wasn’t helpless. Deep inside me, I knew I’d see her soon, and all I could do was to pray that we would have time to know and love each other.

  AS IF the approaching transformation and my worries weren’t enough trouble, I’d decided it would be a perfect time to become friends with Peyton Kincaid.

  As an Ellida, I was supposed to bring harmony, prosperity and balance, I told myself. If my presence would make Peyton’s life miserable, then something was very wrong with that whole concept.

  Could we be friends, in spite of everything? Did I have enough humanity, enough love inside me, to love somebody that I didn’t like?

  If I were a true Ellida, I should be able to find a solution to that problem.

  After that afternoon at Cafe Insomnia, I’d decided to stop avoiding her. Sure thing, the very next day we’d bumped into each other on the street during her lunch break.

  “I’m going to have lunch here in Paganini. Do you want to join me?” she said.

  I nodded and followed her into the small Italian restaurant across the street. For a while we sat in uncomfortable silence. I was panicky trying to think of what to say, and when my brain came up with nothing, I simply wanted to leave. Peyton seemed be wrestling with similar thoughts.

  And then it got worse.

  “I don’t even know why I’m here, Astrid,” she said, breaking the silence. “I know that you and Jack are a couple. Everybody knows.”

  God, I wasn’t ready for that line of conversation.

  “See, Jack was everything I’ve ever wanted,” she continued quietly, “and I’ve always hoped one day he’d be mine. Until you showed up.”

  I couldn’t utter a word, couldn’t find a single coherent thought in my head. I just sat, quiet.

  Then I took a deep breath. Well, if she could be so bold, so could I. “We are bond mates, Peyton. I love him. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.”

  She smirked. “Well, it does hurt. Oh, God, I hate you sometimes!”

  I smiled and relaxed a bit. “Of course you do. That’s logical. I have something you wanted. How about this, then? Choose a part of the day to hate me, for example in the morning, and then stop hating me for the rest of the day. I’ll also try to see beyond the fact that you have feelings for the man I love.”

  She managed a lopsided smile, and her eyes sparkled. “That’s the craziest idea I’ve ever heard.”

  “Maybe not. We can be like those schoolgirls, the best friends forever who are both in love with the same movie star… I’m sorry, Peyton, I didn’t mean to hurt you or anybody else.”

  “I know. That’s the one reason why I’m doing this.” She smiled. “I’ll take your crazy advice. I’m done with hating for today. Let’s eat.”

  We dug into our plates of Spaghetti Carbonara. We kept our conversation on the safe ground of small, neutral topics. She told me about her job, her frequent business trips virtually all around the world. She loved Italy, she said, and I immediately wondered if she had been there with Jack. Ashamed, I pushed such thoughts firmly back.

  I told her about my difficult transformations, my long inner struggle with who I was, and how I missed my job and my friends.

  Two hours later, before we parted, I asked her, “What’s the true reason you’re doing this?”

  “The Mohegans are like my family. They’re the only family I ever had, in fact. I can’t afford to lose them. I don’t want them to choose between you and me. You’re their blood and you are the clan’s Ellida. I can’t win this battle. But I do have a place in their hearts, and I want to stay there. Besides, you seem okay, except, well, you know… How about you? Why are you doing this?”

  “If I’m the Ellida, I shouldn’t be hurting you. There must be a way to deal with it. That’s supposed to be my job here, to find solutions for such problems. If you hate me, if my presence causes you pain, then maybe I shouldn’t be here at all. And besides, you seem okay, except, well, you know…” I re
peated her words with a smile.

  “You can’t expect everybody to like you.”

  “I know, and I don’t need that. But I need you to like me, I need your friendship. I don’t want to usurp your place in our family. There must be room there for both of us.”

  IN THE next couple of days Peyton and I established a fragile equilibrium in our relationship. We avoided topics that could challenge that fine balance. Beyond her tiny, girlish appearance, I quickly found a courageous young woman who fought her own battles, in spite of her emotional insecurity and sensitivity. She was also intelligent, charming, with a nice sense of humor, a loyal, devoted friend. Her description nicely fitted another person I knew well. Me.

  I UPDATED my resume and e-mailed it to the Red Cliffs Health Center. The next day Dr. Falkenstein, the CEO, phoned to invite me to an informal interview. “One of our ER doctors is moving to the East Coast,” he said. “Her position will be posted on our web-site next week. Keep an eye on it.”

  My heart jumped. So somebody had gotten a once-in-a-life-time offer. Thank you, Tristan! An ER job would be perfect. I could probably pick night shifts, which would leave me enough time for my mornings with Takeshi, afternoons with his mother, and early evenings with Eamon.

  BY THE end of the week, I was too weak to continue with my training. The pain became increasingly stronger. My skin was hot. Even the softest clothes irritated me. It didn’t improve my mood, of course. I was angry with Jack for not being there. I missed Liv and Tristan, my faithful companions during numerous changes. My family’s concerns annoyed me. I wanted to be alone in my room, but they wouldn’t let me.

  To cheer me up, Maggie organized a spa-party. James, Eamon and Takeshi had been ordered to go fishing, and we had a whole day for ourselves. “It’s nothing special. Mom and I do it from time to time,” Maggie said. “We send the men out, and then we turn the living room into a beauty parlor. Later we make sandwiches, drink wine and watch movies.”

  “Can we invite Peyton?” I asked.

  “I was about to ask. Sure, phone her.”

  In spite of my miserable physical state, it turned out to be lots of fun. We chatted and laughed, manicured and pedicured each other. I was the only exception because of my skin sensitivity. Peyton came back from the bathroom with a box full of curlers, gels, hair sprays and brushes. “Go wash your hair,” she said. I smiled and went to the washroom. Thirty minutes later, I looked in the mirror, delighted with my 1960’s retro ponytail.

  “My turn,” Peyton said. She picked a thick lock of her beautiful curly hair. “Can you straighten it?”

  “I don’t know anything about hairstyling. I usually use a bit of my witch power,” I said.

  “Then use it, please. I don’t mind my curls, but sometimes I want my hair straight.”

  “Okay, then.”

  I gently combed my fingers through her curls, sending subtle waves of energy through them. I always did it with my hair when I wanted it smooth. In no time, Peyton’s shoulder-length curls hung sleek and flat down the middle of her back.

  “Splendid!” she said, happily. “How long is it going to last?”

  “Until you wash it. Ask me whenever you want to have it straight, I’ll do it for you.”

  “Oh, you can count on that!”

  Instead of making sandwiches, we grilled steaks so that I could get enough protein, went through a few bottles of wine and watched one of the recent werewolf movies with our feet propped up on stools and faces stiff under thick layers of white, creamy masks. I’d let Maggie apply it on my face in spite of my hyper-sensitivity. She’d put a few drops of mint oil into the mixture, and it soothed my hot skin.

  Looking at the TV screen and trying to minimize her facial muscles’ movement, Maggie murmured, “If only we could turn so fast like those guys.” Then she suddenly turned to me. A chuckle slipped out, and the white crust cracked. “You can, can’t you?”

  “Well, yes, but it hurts. I hope to learn how to slow it down,” I said, cracking a smile that in return cracked my own mask. “Besides, I don’t know how I do that. I don’t remember a thing.”

  “I’m looking forward to see it. It must be spectacular.”

  Oh, God! “I think it’s better if nobody’s around me,” I said, looking hopefully at Betty and Morgaine.

  “There won’t be any man around, don’t worry,” Betty said. “Only us.”

  Morgaine smiled gently and squeezed my hand. “It’s going to be fine, Astrid. We won’t let you down.”

  So far, everybody had a plan for my next change except me. I’d only planned to do it alone, but that didn’t seem like an option anymore.

  Twelve

  CONFRONTED BY a united front of two strong-willed Mohegan women, two Ellidas and an honorary family member, James couldn’t do anything else but agree to Betty’s plan. The newly formed Fellowship of the Full Moon, as Maggie had named the five women, would go to Astrid’s house and stay there with her until the transformation was over.

  A DAY before, Betty and Maggie had made the house ready. The big living room sported Astrid’s beige couch with a pile of pink cushions and blankets neatly arranged in the corner and two matching armchairs. There were two older armchairs as well, probably some remnants of her parents’ furnishings, along with the coffee table and several other mismatched pieces. The fridge was stuffed with food and drink: water for Astrid, soft drinks for her companions. They’d brought in a TV, a Blu-ray player, and pile of movies and magazines.

  Astrid filled them in on the details of the first stage of her transformation. She reclined on the couch and wrapped herself in the blanket. “Is it too much if I ask for privacy when I change?”

  “One of us should stay with you all the time,” Morgaine said. “You pick.”

  Astrid shrugged. One of them or all of them, what was the difference? “Oh, forget it. Enjoy the show.”

  Every cell in her body hurt. The soft cotton blanket felt heavy and prickly. She was hot and her breathing was ragged. The physical symptoms seemed more severe than last time.

  Last time… Jack had been with her, she thought. He’d held her; that eased the pain. Where was he now? She closed her eyes and tried to locate him with her inner senses. She had discovered that ability for the first time in Rosenthal, when she had tracked Jack and Tristan in a store buying clothes. Encouraged by Jack, she tried it from time to time, but with very limited success. In those rare instances when her suspicious tracking skills actually had worked, Jack had to be relatively close by although very often even that wasn’t enough.

  This time, she couldn’t see a thing. The image in her head looked like a flickering, static TV screen. Astrid sighed and gave up. Successful or not, mental tracking required more energy than she could afford to spend right now.

  And she could feel her wolf awakening.

  “Behave yourself,” she ordered her silently. “Peyton’s here.”

  “And why exactly did you invite her? Don’t tell me she’s your best friend now.”

  “She’s a part of this family. Our family.”

  “Sometimes I don’t understand you at all, Ms. Spock.”

  “Likewise. Don’t talk about Jack, do you hear me? I know you miss him, but just don’t talk about him. Okay? Miss him silently.”

  The wolf made an angry growl. “This is the last time I’m doing this. Better tell him to do his part before the next full moon! Damn it, Astrid, we must connect. It’s getting dangerous to stay like this, in two parts. I’m not sure how long I can handle it.”

  “You’re handling it fine. I would say better than ever.”

  “Make sure this is the last time we’re doing this. I’m tired of keeping both of us under control.”

  Astrid rolled her eyes. The wolf had been keeping her under control. No kidding!

  “Next time,” she said weakly. “I promise. And you promise to behave.”

  “What, Astrid?” Maggie asked, concerned.

  “I’ve just reminded my wolf about ‘behav
ior expectations’ in the next two days. Ellida, don’t let her get carried away.”

  “I don’t need your ‘code of conduct’, Miss Spock.”

  “I’m sorry if I offended you. You’re the one who carries us both through the change every time. I know that.”

  Peyton moved to the sofa and sat on the opposite end. “I’m the smallest, I can fit here. Let me hold your hand. That might help a bit.”

  The wolf just smirked, but Astrid managed a tiny smile. “Thank you,” she said and touched Peyton’s fingers.

  Peyton winced, but didn’t move her hand. “God, you’re burning! You sure that’s okay? Do you want some water?”

  “No, thanks. I could eat, though.”

  “Maggie, let’s make supper,” Betty said. “Is sautéed beef liver okay, Astrid?”

  “With lots of bacon and onions, yes, please.”

  “Is there anything else we can do for you?” Peyton asked, gently stroking Astrid’s hand. “It doesn’t look like we’re much help here.”

  “She’ll be fine, Peyton,” Morgaine said reassuringly. “I had similar experiences before my spirits got linked.”

  “Tell me about it, Ellida,” Astrid said quietly. “I can’t compare my symptoms with anyone else’s because no one else I know went through this.”

  Morgaine smiled. “Only Ellidas sometimes. Well, it was relatively easy in my case. My spirits got connected shortly after the first few changes. You’ve been dropped in the deep end, Astrid. You’ve been doing it for—how long?—three years? And it’s getting worse. You must have them linked as soon as possible.”

  Astrid nodded, closed her eyes and drifted into a shallow, unsettled drowse.

  “What would happen if they didn’t connect?” she heard Peyton’s voice again some time later.

  “That’s what we don’t know for sure. During the full moon, Astrid’s in an estrous phase. This is actually pseudo-estrus because conceiving is not possible for us in the wolf form, but all other symptoms of heat are there. Among wolves, estrus occurs once a year, during the mating season. Werewolves avoid it completely because they can control the transformation, so it doesn’t affect them. For Astrid, that’s an involuntary process, like her monthly period, and she goes through it once a month. There’s an incredible amount of sexual energy in her body that requires immediate release. Yet she’s been accumulating it month after month, year after year. And she doesn’t even allow herself to feel it like sexual energy. She suppresses it because she doesn’t have a partner. That why she’s in so much pain. Fortunately, her wolf is very strong and capable of coping with that.”